Mary and I both always knew that the other existed. Her mother and my father were first cousins which made me and Mary second cousins, I think. She was a name in the family tree - May's daughter. May was named after my grand mother. Mary's grandmother, Emma,was the eldest in a family of seven - six girls and one boy; my grandmother was the youngest. It took a while for Mary and I to meet; she lived in Chicago, I was in the UK.
Emma went off to live in Canada in the early 1910s. My grandmother would have been a small girl at the time but there was a special relationship between her and her big sister. May was the eldest of Emma's five children; Mary her only child. I don't know what happened with May but it seems that she was not the easiest of children. She was sent back to England to live with her grandparents and thus with my grandparents and my father. Meeting Mary for the first time some 6 years ago, my father told her that he had known her mother well - "We fought like cat and dog", he said. An old family photograph dated around 1930 shows May at a family wedding - she is holding a baby. My father is sitting nearby looking solemn.
The meeting between Mary and myself finally took place when we were both in our early 40s, married and with children. We had both flown up to Canada to attend the birthday celebrations for 3 of the children of Emma and her husband, Harold - John, Beryl and Jane; roughly 5 years separating each of them and John attaining 80 years. May had died when Mary was a teenager and her father had died early too. My parents were still alive but, regrettably, never made that trip to Canada they always wanted. Mary and her daughter were staying with one of the other cousins - her first, another of my seconds, as were me and my daughter. We just hit it off, as they say; it was as if we had always known each other, not just known about each other.
Mary returned to the US and I came back to the UK and there commenced a wonderful correspondence. We were both capable of writing lengthy e mails about everything and nothing. Page after page we could write; sometimes sending jokes, more often discussing those important things in life like what to do with a glut of courgettes/zucchini. The jokes proved an interesting reflection on our lives. Some dodgy ones from over here about Bush were greeted with some alarm - as if she thought her e mails were being monitored..... Interesting. I learned so much about American politics - a staunch Democrat. The minutiae of our lives was shared day after day. She walked the dog and went to work; I cared for my parents. Our children provided entertainment. We all became friends on Facebook. Similarities and differences abounded. A recipe exchange - get some cilantro, she said. What is that? You can get it in your local Mexican neighbourhood....... Google - ah coriander. We grow it. She completed her Masters degree. Our children went off to university. Various permutations of family members met up . Husband and son had a trip to Chicago. Was there another meeting in Canada - I seem to recall one.
In July 2007 Mary came over to Europe to join her daughter who was at university in the Netherlands. I took the train to meet them at Gatwick and we spent a few days sharing a London hotel room and walking in the rain. That July it rained and rained. We saw Avenue Q at the theatre. Mary knew all the words - such a fan of the musical as a genre. We watched the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace; I had never done that before. We went to see the new Harry Potter which was conveniently released just for us to go together. An earlier e mail correspondence after the first film - is it really always foggy in London? We came back to our home to eat fish and chips and to visit family. Our e mail correspondence continued with renewed vigour. Mary's trip had taken them from here to Barcelona; we went to Barcelona later and exchanged thoughts. Life continued, more fruits and vegetables were harvested; photographs exchanged of raised beds, recipe results, just life.
A long introduction to the reason for and the inspiration for this blog for we would never have contemplated the events that followed.
I wrote the above in July 2013 but it has taken me until now - a little over 12 months later to attempt to publish. I may, as yet, not even publish it today. I may still save this as a draft again. That is one of the joys of a blog. You can write for the pleasure of writing or because there is a need to write and you can decide whether or not you want to share that writing or not.
Mary was diagnosed with a dreadful illness - ALS - a kind of motor neurone disease in its simplest terms I suppose. It was the disease she had dreaded the most as she had watched her aunt die of the same thing. The first hint was weakness in her hands. They quickly became the claws. Mary was soon finding it difficult to use her hands, to type. Hence the blog. I could continue with my side of the correspondence but she didn't need to reply.
She maintained an amazing positivity and humour all the time knowing what was happening to her and happening quickly. Her daughter went home to help care and they had a blast. I followed her daughter on Facebook as mother and daughter flew off on holidays of a lifetime, trips to the theatre - yet more musicals, sports events - all the things Mary loved to do.
For our aunt's 85th birthday we all met up in Las Vegas. Mary was in a wheelchair by now with legs in splints at night but we devoured the Bellagio buffet, saw The Lion King - again and had some memorable meals. They even took the 85 year old up in a hot air balloon.
Mary died a little over 12 months ago. She was a little over 50 years old. Eight members of her family had had ALS and her daughter continues her support for the ALS association. Her sponsored team on walks is Defeat the Claw!, Mary's name for her hands.
I miss her.
I'm not sure why, today, I decided to complete this blog post. It is no longer Mary, part one of two. It is the story of Mary. She inspired me to blog through circumstances neither of us could have dreamed of at that time when we first.I get a lot out of being able to write down my thoughts on day to day life and having had Mary in my life, albeit for a short time knowing each other, my life was enriched.
I imagine that today I felt grateful. I believe that it is important for me to remember the gratitude I have for people and things in my life. I sometimes don't feel well and can forget to feel grateful for all that I have. I'm grateful that I had Mary in my life to teach me so much - about life.
